Ascia

Battling Body Issues (in life & pregnancy)

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Comments (33)
  1. Imane says:

    I really love you for this! Everything is said here… thank you for being this candide with everyone… PLease don’t forget it ever you’re AN AMAZING Woman… God bless you

  2. Manal says:

    Hey there,

    There’s a documentary that I have watched recently and I love it. It’s worth watching especially for new mommies. I hate how the media dectate how women should look like and how they feel if they don’t fit it’s unrealistic criteria which is absurd and insane. Our bodies are gifts that we should nurture and take care of. I love how unique you are amongst your fellow influencers here in the Gulf. I love how you stand out and have passion and believe in what you are doing. Especially when it comes to not objectifying women as the media has been doing for a long time now. You are a fresh breath of air and I hope you will be able to spread more positive new ideas about women and fashion without feeling the need to follow the herd and be able to feel comfortable in their own skins.

  3. Ftoom says:

    ( The feeling of being COMPLETELY out of control of my body is maddening.),,,,do u live in my mind when u said these words?

    I also have two boys as u,, and the idea of getting pregnancy again makes me mad

    Seriosly , i dont know how i stell alive with two pregnancy

    I try harder understand the women who have many children!!

  4. Sara R says:

    YOU’RE SO BRAVE!!! I loved you and now I love ypu even more. The ammount of love and respect i have towards you is unbelievable eventhough I never met you!

    I could relate but not to eating disorders! I hated how i look : my nose, lips, eyes brows, even my hair! I was bullied alot as a child and a teenage by close people. I started to slowley accepting myself but BAAM suddenly i get those feelings back!

    I kept it a secrate for 24 years! 2 years ago i spoke loudly about it to a friend and found myself drawning in tears, i thoight i overcame it, but clearly not. After speaking it out i feel MUCH better, but i have my blackouts!

    Having a good support system – i mean people- helps ALOT in it.

    Xoxo

  5. Zee says:

    I was married for 12 years and I had my daughter within the first year. Although I had a beautiful healthy girl with no complications, I suffered postpartum depression – I know it isn’t exactly what you had to bear – but I do understand your point. I wasn’t able to breast feed my daughter, bathe her or put her to sleep. Every time I heard her cry it made me extremely anxious. With the help of close family and a psychiatrist, alhamdulilah I was able to defeat it. Although regrets still taunt me for missing out on those precious moments I know I’ll never get back, but like any struggle, you learn to accept what you can’t change. What I’m trying to say is that the mental challenges involved in a seemigly healthy pregnancy were far from actually being healthy. Living in Canada and deciding to have one child is normal, but whenever I visit home (Iraq), the notion of one child throughout 12 years was absurd and they would pat my shoulder and say ‘it’s okay, we’ll pray for you’ or ‘awww you can’t have babies, did you get yourself checked out?’ Etc… The fact was first, I was content with one child and second, as a working mom it was quality over quantity. Ultimately, family planning is an extremely personal choice and to each their own.

  6. Christina says:

    Really good and important blog post! Enjoyed reading it.

  7. S. says:

    This is hard. Going through it is hard. Realizing what you did to your body when you get older and wishing you knew what you know now, is even harder. Facing it and fighting it and talking about it is brave.
    And it’s hard enough getting people to understand these serious issues, let alone people in our society & culture. They don’t get it. The number of people i know have eating disorders & live in denial….oh boy…we need awareness. Fast!

    And you might not see it, but you make total sense. You really do see it clearly after it passes. And what you think was solid logic, is complete self destructive.

    I kind of get it. At least from the control point of view. I am a control freak to the extent that not being able to control my own body, pisses me off. I didn’t suffer from weight issues, but i had my fair share of health issues wher i was so mad that i can’t control my body and can’t make it stop doing or feeling certain things. To the extent that i stopped taking my medication because the idea that there is a chance i get dependent on them, freaks me out. The stupid idea of drugs having the power to control my body scares me & the idea that i might not be able to take back the control over my body pisses me off. You said that there are days when you consider it a failure when you don’t go to bed starved. That hit me & made me realize that when i give up & take my meds, I consider it a failure. Me winning = me passing out of pain instead of giving in & taking pain killers. It’s stupid now that i think about it. But at the time it made perfect sense to me.

    Thank you for this post. It might even reach a different audience than the one you intended to target 🙂

    PS: have you read Nervous Condition by Tsitsi Dangarembga? If not, then maybe you should give it a try 🙂

  8. Farah says:

    This article is a reflection of what I am experiencing right now! During my teenage I never really cared about my body, size or weight. I was always overweight and I was just fine and happy. Later on my early 20’s; I am 24 now. I got that feeling to change my life and by that I meant my body! I first tried dieting and exercising lightly but never worked so I punished myself! For a whole two months I lived on the minimum. Always hungry and never satisfied and as you said it felt like vectory. I lost those extra Kg’s and got pregnant 8 months ago. I hate how my body is out of control and I totally agree with you. I weigh myself every single day and get dipressed every single day due to doing this! My pregnancy couldn’t be more smooth and healthy (thanks god lol) but my mind and thoughts are what making it a not very pleasant experience.

    Thank you for sharing this and for reading my very long comment.

  9. Katja says:

    I can completely find myself in your story. I hadn t any really severe eating disorder but was always hating and changing my body. I hated my first pregnancy, it felt like hard work for the result (my beautiful baby boy) My body almost kiled both of us (complycation by delivery).
    After a long proces me and my husband decided to get another baby….. its scary but i am goig for it.
    Thank you for your story. Now i know i am not the only one hating being pregnant but ultimately loving her child.

  10. Naeema says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this Ascia, I can’t imagine it was an easy thing for you to do. I think it’s about time that we openly talk about issues that are never spoken about, and speak about them in an honest, raw way. Although I have personally never been through this, I think it’s important for all of us to be aware so that we can understand and be there for those that are going through this. So many of us are silent sufferers, especially in our Muslim communities. The topic of pregnancy is one that I think needs to be addressed, I’ve started speaking about it, focusing on fertility/infertility and how it’s such a taboo topic in our society. Why don’t we speak about this? Why do we have to remain silent when “well meaning” aunties ask when we’re having a baby when deep down we are crying and depressed because we have been trying for so long!? Why do people feel they have a right to tell you that you should have another baby? Anyway, I digress! I love your writing and look forward to reading more from you x

  11. Your an amazing soul ❤️

  12. Rubina says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate on so many levels and I think I needed exactly this right now. You are amazing and a great role model for so many women. ❤️

  13. Dana says:

    Of course you’re not alone, gladly the image became clear as we grow up, watching and realizing the awful truth that we’re being string played my media (what’s in is out tomorrow and we MUST follow) makes one realize that you and only you is the decider of what’s in and what’s not and that we’re made differently because we make up the beautiful painting of life. Though these thoughts are sitting still wanting to be perfect and acceptable but we now know better that they are merely demons to me fighted. And it’s true, you reflect you to the eyes of others, so if you can’t love yourself how can anyone do?!
    Fat, thin, tall, short, white, black, straight hair, curly hair, perfect teeth, smart, stupid…ALL LABELS with an unjust scale.
    Thank god you’re off that roller coaster (or at least you’ve realized it and fighting it). Thank you for writing this post.

  14. Shoroug says:

    I followed you because I was interested in your sense of fashion. You had great taste and you were pretty with an interesting life. I try not to judge, but I find many of the ladies who are called “influencers” to be silly. But you are one of the realist people I have seen. I find it very strange to actually like someone I’ve never met. Bravo to you! You should be proud for daring to comfort and inspire by being real.

  15. Linah says:

    I felt the same after giving birth to my first child. I was feeling guilty about not being happy to have another child just because of what my body will go through again. But now knowing that l’m Not alone makes me feel better. Thank you for sharing this.

  16. Sudduf says:

    This is so raw and amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been really hard to share. Xo

  17. Mona says:

    Absolutely loved it. Its exactly how I feel about pregnancy and nobody gets it. Its good to know that I am not the only one that feels that way. Bless you

  18. Nevz says:

    <3 love you ascia.. you're not alone

  19. Noor says:

    Hey Ascia, I never really leave any comments online, but I just wanted you to know that I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word of this. This is what we need more of, real life stories that people can relate too. Well done, looking forward to more posts similar to this 🙂

    Lots of love
    Noor

  20. J says:

    What a brave and necessary post! Just yesterday i made a decision to take a break from all the negative things i’ve been thinking about myself and you’re right it’s exhausting and damaging. Especially loved your point on the two phrases aimed at women, these things are so common now we can hardly recognize them!

    Forwarding this post to all my lady friends!

  21. Eve says:

    Ascia, I know how you feel. I’ve always been skinny. But! When I was growing up, my mom and my best friend were both overweight and I saw their struggle..I was constantly asked “Who looks bigger, me or that lady across the street?”. Since then, I’ve decided that I’ll try my best to maintain my body in two conditions: 1) healthy and 2) good shape. (Note, healthy always first!). Now, I’ve moved from country to country a lot over the course of last few years. Gained weight etc etc .. learned a lot about myself, my eating habits, my psychological background for them etc etc. I’ve been doing this program lately (https://www.bodybuilding.com/content/the-female-training-bible-everything-you-need-to-get-the-sexy-body-you-desire.html) – midway through it actually, and I can see A SIGNIFICANT change in my body! Exactly as promised in the article! Tone, shape, muscle, fat reduction! Since I’ve started the program until now my weight hasn’t changed at all, but I can clearly see that there is less fat and more muscle. Muscle is actually denser than fat and weighs more. When you start weight training, don’t worry if you gain a couple of extra kilos. The progress is super slow, but eating does make magic… EATING + a little bit of exercise..no need to starve yourself at all!

  22. Lol says:

    This is the greatest body image article i’ve read! Wallahi, it’s like I’m listening to myself (besides the pregnancy part).. thank you Ascia! It’s really important for us girls behind the screens to see that you girls on media, have the same issues as us but you don’t stop, you go forward, you get out of your comfort zone and you do shit! That’s so fucking motivating, you have no idea! You know, usually when you start talking about eating like a pig at night, someone would just say “ Well close your mouth and stop eating.. it can’t be that hard”.. but they don’t really get that the problem is deeper and you can’t just fucking stop eating lol .. so anywaaaay, thank you a lot for opening this topic and making me feel like, even if I’m insecure, don’t love myself as much as I’d want to and don’t look good, I still can do so many things and take over the world !
    Good luck and kisses xx

  23. Farah says:

    I agree with you 200% and sometimes it’s coming from a family member or a loved one, my mom used to tell me that i should lose a bit kilos “although i was in very good health” and after a while when i actually lost weight she is asking me to gain weight bcz i’m too skinny and my face looks unhealthy, my father says i’m disgustingly skinny. After a while i stopped giving them attention for what they say bcz i’m pleased with my health with my imperfectness and i appreciate that i’m not sick or dying.

  24. Kate says:

    Thank for sharing! I admire you- beautiful inside and out♥️♥️♥️♥️

  25. Kate says:

    Thank for sharing! I admire you- beautiful inside and out♥️♥️♥️♥️

  26. Kate says:

    Thank for sharing! I admire you- beautiful inside and out♥️♥️♥️♥️

  27. Kate says:

    Thank for sharing! I admire you- beautiful inside and out♥️♥️♥️♥️

  28. Sara says:

    This was so beautifully written and so eye opening, I’ve been following you for years maybe even 5 now or more, watching you from the outside made me think you were this perfect person with no problems and to know that while I was happily liking your newest pictures you went through that makes me think, what are other people going through that they don’t let us see? Social media has become so mainstream and addicting that you think you know all these celebrities or influencers on social platforms, know all their problems and that they are happy 24/7 no matter the time, when you don’t know them at all. Thank you for writing this, not only is it important for people to see this to know that you might not know a lot about influencers but also thank you for sharing this and educating people with the number of Arab women and men who follow you who might not know about these disorders because they’re not taught them in school.

  29. @leanology says:

    Dear Ascia, this is truly heart felt. I just wrote that up in one my recent posts being a lifestyle coach who struggles with body image.
    A lot of ladies always have the feeling that they are not satisfied with their body,
    So you google how to lose cellulites, how to have tighter thighs…well
    You are normal!
    We struggle with this..
    If our bodies are better we feel more accepted and we feel better
    And you can turn that around and change the way you feel about yourself!
    Here is something you should know..your body doesn’t define your value.
    And you will be like oh that’s great but I still wish my jeans aren’t tight.
    Did you know that you are your best diet and fitness coach??.
    If you hired the best coach who is pushing you to eat healthy and train and stay on track , you will probably reach your goal.
    Imagen your coach that is with you 24/7 in your head, keeps pulling you down telling you
    You look fat, you look ugly, I knew you were gona have that bucket of fried chicken , I knew you would be lazy , I knew you cant do it..!
    Imagen you have a coach who tells you that! You will probably fire them in one day!
    So imagen that you are telling yourself all these things all the time!!!
    Now imagen you are the coach of you and you want to succeed in your diet and workout.
    You need to say better things ! You are the one who is with you 24/7 you are the real coach!
    Habitually we don’t speak positive we speak negative… we hurt ourselves and say things that are probably not true and probably blow it way out of its proportion until we actually believe its true! like calling yourself a fat cow!
    These things need to change , try to alter these words into saying ” today I did pretty damn good and I am getting better I look pretty good”
    Recognize the bad things u say and switch them into positive things even if you don’t want to admit to it now you will start feeling better and actually believing in yourself
    Say: I am far closer to what I want than I realized. I am happy my body is capable and allowing me to do what am doing!
    The truth is
    Your value isn’t measured by your body fat
    The truth is your worth is not determined by the number on the scale.
    You and I know some nasty people who don’t weigh much lol!
    Your value is not your outside only!
    It is what you do and what god gave you as a gift and you are chosen to be here !!! in this world!
    and you gotta change the way you feel about yourself and your body…and when you change that and end that war with your body you will start making progress Mentally and physically.
    Thank you for sharing this. You are not alone
    Yours ,
    Sara

  30. Iman says:

    As a psychologist I know how relevant this post it. It needs to be discussed more in the age of social media. Young women and men have a wrong point of reference when looking at all those edited Instagram pics with perfect lighting.

    Thanks for sharing your story ascia. Respect. I know for a fact that this must have been difficult for you to share.

  31. Fraya says:

    You ascia. You wrote the exact-same-godforbid phases of what I am going thru. Thank you for posting this incredible story, i know its not easy to tell it in such manner that everyone understand completely, but you wrote it so good. It rings true strongly, because I felt it too years ago, …and yes absolutely agree about that “dormant”-culprit never really fade away until now.

    You’re amazing, you dont have to be loud or harsh, you say it just enough to be heard.

  32. Sonia says:

    I love you Ascia and after reading this article i have even more respect for you. The very fact that you are willing to share such personal stories is just awesome. Using your power to influence youngsters and address issues that people shy away from discussing is truly commendable. I wish the very best for you and your family.

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